


Anytime Birdie

by MargotCelvin



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I insult Richie cause I love him, M/M, Modern AU, Past Sexual Abuse, Pennywise isn't a murderous clown in this, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Stenbrough, They are all 17, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, i'm still not good at tags, if there wasn't a lot of swearing would Richie really be in it?, or summaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 09:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotCelvin/pseuds/MargotCelvin
Summary: This was supposed to be a really cute, fluffy restaurant fic, but that's not what it turned into.Or, I spent this whole story accidentally torturing Stan and I don't know how to explain that, other than he's one of my favorite characters.





	Anytime Birdie

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you've read this before, you'll notice that there was a warning applied to this which is no longer there. I kind of heavily edited this and I decided to change that part so it is a lot more implied. If you haven't read this before, there was a non-con part of this that I took out because I decided I wasn't completely comfortable with it and it just didn't feel right for my writing. Like, I don't write anything explicitly sexual, not because I'm against it. It's more because I just don't like to write it. So, to have that in there just didn't feel like me, so I took it out. 
> 
> Also, Richie is pretty much the only person that uses all the weird nicknames, that's just something that carried over from Nightmares (which if you haven't read you should).

The restaurant was posh and mostly employed by high schoolers. The boss, which all of them called Pennywise since he looked like a clown that they watched as kids, usually only ever hired kids since he could pay them less and work them more. Derry didn’t have any real rules about kids working. Even so, Pennywise didn’t treat them all like shit. All his employees got a meal included with their shift and he wasn’t super strict with anything. As long as the kids got their jobs done and did them well, he wasn’t overly concerned.

His current full-time staff consisted of six high schools who had just finished their junior year. His two chefs were Mike Hanlon and Ben Hanscom. They were some of the best chefs that Pennywise ever had, their food always came out quickly and tasted amazing. His hostess was Beverly Marsh, she had been a waitress until she broke Henry Bowers’ wrist because he grabbed her ass. He didn’t want to fire her, she was such a people person and knew all of the regulars. Plus, she made a pretty good bartender on the weekends. His waiters consisted of Bill Denbrough, Richie Tozier, and Eddie Kaspbrak. The three of them could handle the hundred seat restaurant easily and had been doing so for almost a year. The only thing they ever complained about was the fact that it was hard for them to clean off the tables when the place was packed. Pennywise had finally found someone to take on the busboy job.

“Alright guys, this is our new busboy-”

“Stanny boy! You finally joined the team?” Richie cut the tall man off, he and Stan already knew each other. In fact, all of the staff knew Stan. He and Richie had been friends since kindergarten. Richie had been dating Eddie since they were in eighth grade. Eddie was friends with Mike and Ben. And Ben was dating Beverly, who very quickly became close friends with Stan and Richie. The only one that wasn’t in their friend group, was Bill, even though he knew Stan from school. And everyone knew Bill.

Bill was the football player that got drunk at parties and made out with anyone he thought was hot. He was hot enough to pull it off and had the most adorable stutter, one that made Stan smile a little whenever he heard it. Stan would never admit it, but he had had a crush on Bill since they were in seventh grade and they shared a social studies class. They had been partners for a project, which was when Stan knew he was really fucked. Bill wasn’t just a pretty face, he was also really smart and was a fantastic writer and artist. Bill had given Stan a little doodle of a bird as a thank you for doing most of the oral presentation part of the project; Stan still had that doodle in his desk drawer.

“You know them already?”

“Yeah, Richie made me apply.”

“You bet your ass I did.” Richie gave his signature finger guns as a response. Eddie rolled his eyes and mouthed that he was sorry. Stan smirked and looked back to their boss.

“Alright, your job is gonna be really easy, all you have to do is clean off the tables when the customers leave and then do the dishes, you can do those when we hit a slow spot in the night. You said that you’ve used a three basin sink before, plus the instructions are on the wall so you really don’t need training. Oh, you get five percent of the tips, which is why your wage is less than minimum.”

“You’ll get most of your tip money from Bill,” Bev said with a smirk. She winked at Bill when he turned to look at her, mimicking a hurt look.

“It’s true. All the hot babes tip you real high.”

“Richie, please shut the fuck up,” Eddie loved him, he really did. Richie was just tiring sometimes.

“Please remember that the restaurant will be closed for the weekend and then from Wednesday to Saturday as I will be out of town. Currently, I’m going back into the office for a bit, please make sure we open on time?”

“Aye aye captain,” Bev saluted to Pennywise as he disappeared into the back.

“He seems nice,” Stan commented when their boss was back in the office.

“I told you that. I also told you that your job would be easy, plus you don’t really have to interact with people.” Richie jumped up and rustled Stan’s hair as he spoke. Stan backhanded Richie in the stomach and tried to smooth out his hair from where Richie was being a child.

“You’re the worst.” Stan loved to remind Richie that he was the worst, it’s how he reminded Richie that he still liked him.

“At least you’re not dating him.” Richie gasped at his boyfriend’s comment, Eddie just shrugged as a response.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Does St-stan really not like t-to talk to p-p-people?” Bill asked Richie at the server’s station. Dinner was in full swing and all of their tables were taken care of, most were either eating or waiting on their food. Eddie was off taking orders somewhere else in the restaurant.

“He avoids it if he can get out of it.” Richie wasn’t looking at Bill, he had one table that was trying to decide what to eat so he was watching them.

“He’s fr-fr-friends with you though.”

“I force him to talk to people. He complains about it but he’ll do it.”

“D-do you think he’d t-t-talk t-to me?”

“Maybe. Oh shit, they’re ready, I’ll be back.” Richie walked off to the table that he was waiting on. Bill stood there for another minute. He wasn’t sure why he was so set on getting Stan to talk to him. Maybe it was that he wanted a challenge. Maybe it was because he remembered working with Stan in seventh grade and that the curly haired boy was really funny and sweet when you got him to talk. Maybe it was because he never got Stan out of his head after seeing him at his brother’s baseball game. Despite Georgie’s disability, he was an excellent pitcher. He served as the umpire for Georgie’s game; Bill went to one of the high school games after that. Stan was the pitcher, and he was really good at it.

“Order up.” Bill heard Mike from the kitchen. He figured some of it was his. When he got to the window he saw that it was one of his tables. And it was the one he really didn’t want to go to.

The table had been a group of five girls that were in the year below him. They were nice, and he knew he was going to get a nice tip from them, but the one had a huge crush on him and was very obvious about it. She was very touchy, and Bill was too sober to deal with that. Bill sighed before turning to call Bev over for help. He could carry three plates by himself, four if he was desperate, but they had six plates in total. She came over and grabbed the other plates before following Bill over to the table.

“I got f-f-food.” Bill had switched back into his server persona the instant he left the window. Server Bill and Popular Bill were outgoing and people pleasers. Regular Bill would much rather read a book or hang out with his little brother. But he was at work, so Regular Bill didn’t exist.

The girls quietly cheered when they saw Bill with their food. Once he and Bev had finished passing the plates out, Bill asked if there was anything else he could get them.

“Your number would be nice.” The girl on the end said as she twirled her hair between her fingers. Bill chuckled politely. He really didn’t want to be in this situation.

“I m-meant for the f-f-food. It’s frowned upon to give my n-n-number out at work.”

“Well, how about after work sweetheart?” She sat her hand on Bill’s since his hands were still on the table.

“Hey hey hey, hands off the merchandise. You can look, but you can’t touch.” Bev shooed the girl’s hand off of Bill’s.

“What, are you his girlfriend?” Bill couldn’t decide if the girl sounded upset or scared. He was kinda hoping it was scared. That would be significantly funnier to Bill.

“No, they’re house rules.”

“Why the hell are those house rules?” Now she just sounded annoyed. The rest of the girls at the table just watched in shock. Bill knew one of them had been with Henry when Bev broke his wrist.

“Because the last time someone touched an employee in a way that they didn’t like, I broke their wrist. Come on Bill, you got more food to serve.” Bill shrugged and let Bev pull him back to the food window.

“Th-th-thank you.”

“No problem Bill. I know how much you hate stuff like that.” Bill shrugged as he grabbed the food for his next table. “I also know, that you’re really into Stan.” Bill almost dropped the plate and looked at Bev with a mix of shock and horror.

“Wh-what?”

“You can try to play coy with me Bill, but I know that you’re the one that told Richie to push Stan to apply. Richie can’t keep secrets, especially when he’s high.”

“D-d-does Stan know?”

“Nope. And I promise I won’t tell him. But you really should say something to him.” And with that, Bev went back to her station. The rest of Bill’s shift was a blur to him. The only parts he remembers are the parts with Stan and that table.

He had tried to start a conversation with Stan a couple times, most of the time Stan would say he had a table to get to. Bill didn’t let it bother him since Stan would normally smirk at Bill when he tried to talk to him.

And then there was that table.

“You know, he would be a solid ten if he didn’t have that stupid fucking stutter.”

“He’s still like a nine.”

“You just say that cause you have a crush on him. I mean, why else are we eating here?” Bill had been taking care of a table close to theirs when he overheard the conversation. He didn’t really know who said what, and he didn’t care, it still fucking hurt.

He always tried to pretend that his stutter wasn’t that big of an issue, that it didn’t bother him or anyone else. But he knew that wasn’t true. He knew that people thought it was stupid. He knew that people made fun of him for it. He had been trying for years to get rid of it, but the only time it disappeared was when he was high or drunk.

Bill didn’t even go back to that table, he had Eddie finish up with them, who said that Bill went on break. In reality, Bill was just taking care of the customers on the other side of the restaurant.

When the dinner rush was over, Bill finally found time to relax. He had three tables, and all of them were eating. He migrated back into the kitchen where Stan was doing dishes. Stan had just started working on the kitchen dishes when Bill got back there. He saw Bill come up him out of the corner of his eye.  

“Did I miss a table?” Bill shook his head. “You just coming back here to hang out?” Stan sounded suspicious.

“A-actually, I h-h-had a question.”

“Shoot.” Stan continued to wash dishes.

“D-d-do you think m-my stutter makes me l-l-less at-tractive?” Stan looked up at Bill like he was crazy. Bill thought the question was crazy, but the conversation that he overheard still bothered him.

“No. I think- I think it’s adorable. Don’t tell Richie I said that.”

“Why?” Bill asked through a laugh.

“He’d never let me live it down. Why are you asking about your stutter anyways?”

“Th-these girls m-made comments.”

“You talking about the group of five girls that sat at table six?” Bill nodded. Stan had already memorized the table numbers and he had only worked one lunch and one dinner service. It had taken Bill a week to do that. “Don’t worry about them, they’re idiots. Like I tutor two of them in basic algebra. They’re actually fucking idiots.”

“Th-th-thanks Stan.”

“No problem.” Bill had walked away for a minute to make sure that his customers were still fine before he came back to the dishwashing station. “Do you have plans for tonight?”

“No?”

“I only ask, because every Friday we go out to the barrens to hang out. We normally smoke and drink before we crash at Mike’s. Just thought I’d invite you along since we all work together and shit.” Stan hadn’t looked up at Bill through the entire explanation. Stan was really hoping that Bill didn’t notice the slight blush that dusted his cheeks.

“Oh. Sure.”

“I know we aren’t as cool as the people you normally hang out with on Fridays and it’s not going to be like a huge party or anything but I thought I would just invite you along- Wait did you say yes?” Bill smirked and nodded. “Cool. Cool, I’ll um I’ll tell Richie and them. I’m sure Ben and Mike already heard and are laughing silently over there.”

“We are,” Mike tried to hide that he was laughing, not that it worked very well.

“Hey guess what Mike, I found you something in my dishwater.” Stan pulled his hand out of the sink and flipped the two cooks off. They laughed a lot louder that time.

“I’ll t-talk to you in b-bit.” Bill went back out to the dining room to take care of his customers.

“What the fuck did I just do?”

“You invited your crush to hang out with us,” Mike walked over to Stan and put a hand on his back. Mike always made Stan feel a little more comfortable, even though he cringed at someone touching his back, Mike quickly drew his hand away.

“You also called his stutter adorable,” Ben said from the expediting station. Both of them were taking it easy since there were no more orders coming in. Bev had locked the doors so that no more customers could come in. It was close to nine, closing time.

“I’m gonna drown myself in dishwater.”

“Stanny, why are you killing yourself now?” Richie had come into the kitchen to let Stan know that his tables were all gone so they needed to be cleaned.

“Guess who he invited to the barrens tonight.” Mike was comforting, but also terrible.

“You did not!?”

“I did, and now I want to die.”

“Especially since Thot Stan comes out when you get high.” Richie laughed at the strained sound that Stan made about his comment.

“Oh God, I forgot about that. I really am ready to die. Please make sure Thot Stan stays at home? Please?”

“Nah, I’m gonna let you be a thot. Maybe you’ll actually get some tonight.” Richie looked apologetic after he said that. He knew he shouldn’t have said that the second it came out of his mouth.

“Richard. I fucking hate you. For more than one reason right now.”

“Hurry up and finish the dishes so we can go. All the tables are gone.” Bev said as she opened the door and stuck her head in. “Also, servers need to separate your tips out for Stan.” Richie nodded and followed the redhead out the door.

“I really am going to die tonight.” Stan quickly finished his dishes and then finished up the kitchen’s dishes. He wanted to be done for the day, but he also wasn’t ready to go to the barrens. Their trips to the barrens almost always included a game of truth or dare, and Stan was almost certain that Richie or Bev was going to dare him to kiss Bill.

It didn’t help that Stan always got a lot more flirtatious when he was high. One of the first times they got high, he begged one of them to make out with him. He convinced Richie to do it, although he had to make it up to Eddie by doing his homework for a month.

They all finished up quickly and waved bye to their boss. Since most of them had driven separately, they all agreed to just have Mike pick them up at their houses, which is what always happened anyway. That way they could also pack a bag and anything else that they needed to spend the night.

When Stan got home, his parents were waiting in the living room for him. His mother was reading a book and his father was reading the newspaper. It was his mother that looked up and spoke first.

“Oh, hey honey. How was your first day?”

“It was fine. Washed a lot of dishes.”

“Are you still going over to that boy’s house for the night?” His dad never did bother to learn any of his friends’ names. He only knew Richie because of how often he was at their house.

“Mike’s. Yeah. I’m gonna go grab my stuff and then he’s going to pick me up.” Stan went upstairs before they could say anything else. It wasn’t that his parents didn’t like his friends, they just thought that they were a bad influence. Stan had been such a well-behaved kid before high school before he had more than one friend. They thought that he had started to become a problem child, even though he was still a straight A student and now had two jobs, one at the restaurant and one as a tutor. He just also liked to smoke and drink, and there was nothing wrong with that, at least to Stan.

Stan threw his bag together and waited for Mike to text him that he was there. Stan was the third person to be picked up, Ben was first since he was the furthest from the barrens. Bev was next since she was the other outlier. Stan, Richie, and Eddie all lived in the same neighborhood. He was pretty sure Bill lived in their neighborhood as well, but he wasn’t completely sure.

Stan decided to change his clothes as well. He wasn’t sure where the idea came from, although he was pretty sure that it was his thot side coming out already. He put on a plain white sweater, his light wash denim jacket, and a pair of black skinny jeans. Richie called it his party outfit. He thought it was basic, comfortable, and warm. Stan was always cold, so even though the nights were in the low 70s, he was still freezing whenever the sun dipped below the horizon.

**Mike: Just picked up Ben and Bev so I’ll be over in less than 5**

**Stan: Cool. I’ll be ready**

Stan slipped his shoes back on and slung his bag over his shoulder. He looked over himself in the mirror and decided that he looked fine. He looked a little tired, but he was. He had been up all night the night before, he couldn’t get his anxiety under control. A new job was stressful. But this one shouldn’t have been since he was working with all his friends, but he was also working with his crush. Which reminded him of a whole other batch of shit.

**Mike: Here**

Stan didn’t respond, instead, he just made his way downstairs. He yelled his goodbyes to his parents before running out the door. He didn’t really want to hear anything about how he was dressed or any other kind of complaints about his plans or friends. Stan opened the toolbox in the bed of the truck and threw his bag in before jumping in the bed and hitting the glass, signifying that he was ready to go. Mike’s truck didn’t have a back window opening so Stan always knocked on the window to let Mike know it was good to go.

Stan leaned his head on the window of the truck as they drove to Richie’s house. It was a warm summer night, he was still mildly cold, and the stars were brighter than normal. Stan hoped that that meant something good was going to happen tonight.

When they got to Richie’s house, Stan went up to the door. Richie’s parents were good people, but they would normally only let Richie do something if Stan was involved. Sometimes, Stan had to come over to pick Richie up for dates with Eddie. Richie’s parents were more open to the idea of Richie and Eddie dating, but they were still uneasy about their son dating another guy. They mostly just wanted grandkids and weren’t sure how that was going to happen for the two. Adoption is expensive and isn’t always okay with same-sex couples.

“Oh, hi Stan.” Richie’s father opened the door. He seemed tired, must have been a busy day. “You taking Richie out for the night again?”

“Yeah. It’s tradition at this point. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get in too much trouble.”

“Thanks, son.” Mr. Tozier turned and yelled for Richie, saying that Stan was there. Richie must have been waiting at the top of the stairs because he immediately started running down the stairs.

“See you guys later. Love you.” Richie yelled as he ran out the door and pulled Stan toward the truck. Mr. Tozier shook his head and closed the door. Richie threw his bag in the box with Stan’s and both of them got into the back of the truck.

“Someone’s excited,” Stan said in his snarkiest tone.

“Someone’s in their party outfit,” Richie snarked back.

“Stop fucking calling it that.”

“You only ever wear it to nice events. Why the fuck are you wearing it tonight?”

“I don’t know.” Stan didn’t sound convincing.

“Oh right, you invited Bill. Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know. He was talking to me about how these girls were talking about how his stutter made him less attractive and I don’t know. I thought maybe it would be nice to invite him along.”

“I know you’re scared to try again, but it’ll be okay. Bill isn’t Sam.” Stan tried not to show how much that name still bothered him.

“Please don’t say that name. And Bill can know none of that.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t tell him. At least the bruises are gone.”

“Scars aren’t.” Stan rubbed his arms.

“You know I’m not going to let anyone do that to you again, right?” Richie reached over and sat his hand on Stan’s. Stan smirked slightly at Richie’s hand.

“I know Rich. Can you text Eddie and let him know we’re in our normal spot?” Richie nodded and pulled out his phone. Stan felt just a little colder without Richie touching his hand. Stan pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders as they waited for Eddie.

Sonia never let Eddie come out with them after work. She normally claimed that he worked a long shift and needed his rest. Little did she know Eddie ran on coffee and the constant fear of failure. So, whenever they wanted to hang out, Eddie had to sneak out. His only saving grace was that Richie had shown him the safest way to get down using the drain pipe and the large tree in Eddie’s lawn. Eddie was down in three minutes and made his way as quietly as he could to the truck. Once he was in, he threw his bag in the box and tapped the window. Tapping meant that his mom was asleep upstairs. Knocking meant that his mom was asleep in her chair downstairs. And pounding meant that his mom was awake and Mike needed to hurry the fuck up and get out of there.

Once they were moving, Eddie settled into Richie’s side. Richie placed a kiss on the side of Eddie’s head, earning a soft giggle from the smaller of the two of them. Stan rolled his eyes.

“Why are you in your party outfit?” Eddie asked after looking Stan over.

“What the fuck? That is not what this outfit is.”

“Stanny here invited a certain waiter to come along with us,” Richie said before lighting up one of the cigarettes that he always seemed to have on him.

“You did not?”

“Why is it so shocking that I would invite Bill along?” Stan directed that question solely at Eddie, who was the one that actually responded.

“Because you’ve had a crush on him forever and every time we brought up inviting him anywhere with us you shot it down immediately and other reasons.”

“Eddie, I will throw you out of this truck.”

“Just try to control the hoe side of you tonight. I don’t want you to regret anything in the morning.”

“Richie, Thot Stan is not a complete hoe. He just likes to flirt and cuddle and make out,” Stan tried to defend that side of him as much as he could.

“Yeah, but it will all be directed at Bill tonight,” Richie countered.

“At least it’s not at you again,” Eddie made himself sound a lot shadier than he actually felt about the whole situation.

“I’m still sorry about that.” This was not the first time Stan had apologized to Eddie about that.

“It’s not a big deal. You’ve made out with all of us at some point or another,” Eddie made said through a laugh, hoping that Stan would get that he had been mostly joking earlier.

“Yeah, but most of those were dares. I wasn’t dared to make out with Richie, I just really wanted to make out with him for some reason. Although I don’t know why I picked you that night, you taste like cigarettes. How do you put up with that?”

“You get used to it,” Eddie shrugged.

 The truck stopped in front of one of the nicest houses in the neighborhood. Stan recognized the house, it was the house where one of the kids was kidnapped. They found him eventually, but they had to amputate part of his arm from where he was tied up. Stan knew that it was Georgie, although he never put it together that he was Bill’s brother. One of the people in the truck must have had Bill’s number because Bill was soon opening the front door.

There were two figures in the doorway. One of them was obviously Bill, the other must have been Georgie. Bill kissed the smaller boy on the head, fist bumped him and then walked out the door completely. When he made it to the truck, Stan noticed that he had changed as well. He was wearing a flannel over a black shirt with a pair of cuffed jeans.

“H-hey guys.”

“Jump on in Billiam.”

“Wh-where are your bags?”

“Toolbox.” Eddie nodded his head toward the box. Bill put his bag in there and got comfortable in the bed of the truck. Stan hit the back window of the truck so that Mike would know to head out.

“Was that your brother?” Stan asked before he could stop himself.

“Yeah. G-Georgie.”

“He doing better now?” Richie asked between drags. He hadn’t had his nicotine fix for the day and was going through his cigarette pretty quickly.

“Yeah. N-not a fan of m-me going out with n-n-new people.”

“Why is that?” Stan asked as he tried to curl in on himself more.

“He takes st-st-stranger danger very seriously.”

“I would too if I were him. Is he getting used to the prosthetic?” Eddies asked. He knew the most about what happened to Georgie. Bill, Mike, and himself had been pretty close friends when all of that happened. Bill had stopped hanging out with them their freshman year, Eddie missed him. He was excited that Bill had agreed to hang out with them.

“M-more or less.”

The conversation continued, although it got a lot more lighthearted as the drive continued. It took about fifteen minutes for them to get from Bill’s house to the barrens. When they finally did make it there, they unloaded all the supplies that they needed. Richie had brought his speakers and also provided some of the alcohol, Mike brought some as well. Mike and Ben brought blankets. Bev brought the weed and battery powered fairy lights so they could see. Stan got out of bringing things since the only reason they had music and alcohol was because he convinced Richie’s parents to let him come out with them. Eddie got out of bringing things since his mom could never know that they did any of this. Bill was new so he didn’t know if he needed to bring anything, plus no one told him to.

They started the way they always did, drinking and dancing. Richie, Mike, and Bev would occasionally smoke some of the cigarettes that Richie had. Mike only smoked when he was out here since he was their driver. Stan was too busy drinking and actually letting loose. These were the only nights that he found that he could actually relax. Stan didn’t notice anything anyone was doing. He didn’t notice that Eddie was essentially grinding on Richie. He didn’t notice that Ben and Mike were sitting out and just talking. He didn’t notice how much Bill was watching him. He was only focused on dancing with Bev.

Bill was already really glad that he agreed to come along. Stan looked fucking amazing. His outfit was so simple and yet it made him look gorgeous. The way Stan moved his hips was hypnotic, they flowed so easily and smoother than any girl he had ever danced with. He really wanted to interject himself between the two and dance with Stan, but he knew that was mostly the alcohol talking.

“Alright fuckers. I’m sufficiently drunk, but I’m not high so it’s time to break out the good shit,” Bev announced, pulling the sandwich bag out of her backpack. Stan said yeet, which is how all of them knew he was very tipsy. While he was fine with getting drunk, he preferred the feeling of getting high. He loved the weightlessness that came with weed. They all sat in a circle as Bev made a couple of joints for the group. She figured it would be easier to split between two people instead of making one joint and passing it around the whole group.

“Do you care to share with me?” Stan’s drunk voice was a little higher than his normal voice, which Bill found adorable.

“No, it’s fine.” Stan lit the blunt and took a hit. Bill watched the smoke leave Stan’s lips. It took all his self-control for him not to kiss Stan. He would’ve called it shotgunning but they all would’ve known what it really was.

“Okay, well we’re sitting in a circle, so we either got to play spin the bottle or truth or dare,” Richie said handing his blunt to Eddie. The only reason Eddie knew how to smoke was because of Richie.

“Half of us are in relationships, I don’t think spin the bottle is a good idea. Plus, you can always convince Stan to make out with you in like twenty minutes.”

“Fuck you, Marsh. It was one time.” Stan’s voice didn’t have any spite in it so they all knew that he wasn’t really mad. He was at that point in the night where he was pleasantly drunk and didn’t take too many things seriously.

“Alright then Stan, you go first.”

“Am I being asked or asking?”

“Being asked. Truth or dare?” Bev wore such a cocky smile.

“Truth.” Stan didn’t take dares from Bev unless he was really drunk.

“Why did you invite Bill along?”

“I don’t know. The invite just kind of came out before I could stop it. I regretted it at first, but then he said sure so it was all good.” Stan took a quick hit as he decided who to ask. “Alright, Mike, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Lame.” Mike shrugged at Richie.

“If you had to make out with one of us, who would it be?”

“I’d probably make out with Stan again. He’s pretty good.” Stan smiled and giggled to himself. “Can’t help it, man, you’re freakishly good at it.”

 “Alright Mike, pick someone.” Ben wanted to keep the game going. He knew that the fun dares always came out later in the game. He knew one of them was going to dare Stan to make out with Bill, and he was trying to figure out who was going to do it, he kinda wanted it to be him, but he also figured it would be Richie.

“Bill, truth or dare?”

“I’ll keep the streak going, truth.”

“Do you like any of your popular friends?”

“Honestly, not really. They’re all so fucking fake, it’s annoying.”

“Where did your stutter go?” Richie asked. He was shocked to hear Bill say two whole sentences without stuttering once.

“Oh, it goes away when I’m drunk, or high. Probably because my anxiety isn’t as high. But who am I to really say, I don’t know shit about it.”

“You know what I do know, it’s your turn to pick someone.” Bev needed this game to keep going. The girl had plans.

“Alright then. Marsh, truth or dare?”

“Richie is going to think I’m lame, but truth.” Richie gasped, Bev almost never picked truth. “I wanna see what he’s going to ask.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how was our kiss in second grade?”

“Fuck, you remember that?” Bill nodded. Stan was mildly shocked. He had no idea that the two of them had kissed. He took a large hit, partially to get his heart rate back down. “Well it was a play, so it’s not like we really kissed. But for a stage kiss, I’ll give it a six.”

“A six? It was definitely like an eight.”

“You were crying.” Bill shrugged as he took the blunt from Stan. “Okay, Richard, truth or dare?”

“I ain’t no bitch. Fucking bring it, Molly Ringwald.” That was Richie speak for dare. She took a moment to respond. Bev knew she had to come up with a good one since it was Richie.

“I dare you to a shotgunning race. If you win, I have to play the rest of the game without my shirt, if I win, you play without pants.”

“You’re on.” Mike punched a hole in two cans of the beer that Richie brought. He counted them down and the race began. The rest of them cheered, not really for either one since, in reality, most of them would lose clothes at some point in the night. Bev dropped her can first. Richie soon followed. “Fuck. I’m getting better though.”

Richie took off his jeans and sat down. Stan tried not to laugh at his alien boxers. Richie always wore strange boxers which is why he always lost his pants at some point. Eddie shook his head and chugged a little more of his beer. He was too sober for this.

“Benny boy, truth or dare?” Richie asked, trying to keep the game going. He didn’t ask Stan because he knew Stan would pick truth. Richie only had one dare in mind for Stan, and they all knew it. He had to wait for Stan to get a little higher. 

“Truth.”

“Why did you pick Bev of all the girls in Derry to date?”

“Well, I always thought she was beautiful, but she was also one of the first people to be truly nice to me when I was still the new kid, and she still one of the sweetest people I know. I guess I really fell in love with how beautiful her soul is.” Beverly awed and kissed Ben’s cheek. He was such a sap, but he always meant it. Stan really wanted to find someone like that. “Stan, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Stan thought he was safe at the moment. It was Ben. He wasn’t going to do anything to Stan.

“Dare you to kiss Bill.” All of the colors left Bill’s face. The rest of the group looked shocked. No one expected it to be Ben to make that dare. None of the others had even thought about it since it was a very Richie dare.

“Fine. Come here, Bill.” Stan was just high enough that the rational part of his brain had shut off. It was the part of his brain that was screaming at him to stop. That Bill was a stranger, he wasn’t one of his friends.

Stan shifted so he was facing Bill. Bill looked nervous, Stan couldn’t figure out why though. Stan sat his hands on Bill’s face, Bill didn’t move his hands. He also didn’t have much time to think about it with how quickly Stan closed the gap between them. Not that Bill minded, he had been wanting to kiss Stan for a long time.

Mike was right, Stan was really good at kissing people. What he wasn’t warned about was how addicting kissing Stan was going to be. Stan pulled away a lot faster than Bill appreciated. Stan turned at looked at Ben.

“Happy?” Stan asked.

“Bill is,” Richie said under his breath to Eddie, who giggled lightly. Bill couldn’t wipe the stupid smirk off his face.

“What’s with the face?” Stan asked.

“Mike was right, you’re really good at that.”

“That’s not the only thing he’s good at.” Mike might’ve been sober, but the boy had no filter. Whatever thought popped into his brain came out of his mouth.

“What are you talking about?” Bill was very curious as to what that meant. Bill didn’t notice Stan glaring at Mike.

“It’s not your turn to ask.” Mike mouthed thank you to Eddie who had jumped in to save him.

“Alright, Eddie, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Eddie knew that was a mistake the moment he saw Stan’s smirk.

“That’s why I love you.” Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie.

“I dare you to not say any curse words for the rest of the night. If you do, Richie gets to give you a hickey.”

“Please say fuck. Please say fuck. Please for the love of God say fuck.” Richie loved giving Eddie hickeys, but Eddie never let him since he was terrified that his mother would see them.

“Shut up you-” Eddie made a high-pitched noise instead of saying what he really wanted to. “I hate you. You know my cursing only gets worse when I’m drunk.”

“I know,” Stan smirked as he took another hit, their blunt being almost finished.

“Bill, truth or dare?” Eddie might have pretended to be mad but he wasn’t, he certainly wasn’t going to let the game end.

“Truth.”

“Who do you keep texting?” Bill didn’t think any of them had noticed that his phone had been open on his knee for almost the entire game.

“Georgie. He wanted me to keep him updated since I’m with new people and it’s a smaller group than what I’m normally with and this isn’t in a house or enclosed area.”

“He’s so cute.” Bev loved that kid, he was always super nice and his attachment to Bill after what happened to him made her heart happy. Bev was one of the only people in this group that Bill could openly talk to in school without people freaking out. Bev had a strange standing in their dumb ass school.

“Yeah, I love him.” Bill smiled a little before taking another hit from the dying blunt. “Okay, Mike, truth or dare?” Mike knew that he should’ve picked dare, he knew what question Bill was going to ask, but he said truth anyways. “What else is Stan really good at, besides making out with people?”

“He’s pretty fucking good in bed.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Mike and Stan have done it, Big Bill.” The rest of the kids in the circle knew all about that situation. Bev had been the one to push it.

“So, you’ve fucked chocolate thunder over there?”

“You call him that?” Stan asked over Richie’s laughter. Richie actually fell over he was laughing so hard.

“Unfortunately.” Mike hated the nickname. Bill almost never called him that, but so many of the guys on the football team did.

“But yeah, I did.”

“Why? I’m not judging, just curious.” None of them wanted to share the real answer as to why the boys had gotten together. Stan settled with an answer that would suffice and not require any further explanation.

“Horny, single boys do what they gotta do.” Bill nodded, clearly understanding what Stan was talking about. He was a horny, single boy on occasions.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright guys, it’s almost four in the morning, we should get going.” They all agreed with Mike and started packing everything up, mildly slowly. They had all sobered up enough to move but that was about all they could do.

When everything was packed and everyone was settled in Mike’s truck they hit the road. It was about a thirty-minute drive from the barrens to Mike’s family farm but none of them minded, it gave them a little more time to sober up before they had to be seen by people again since Mike’s grandparents would be up already. The only part Stan didn’t like, was how cold he would get. Even though he had a blanket wrapped around his already jacketed shoulders, the boy was still cold.

“You cold?” Bill asked.

“Stan is always cold,” Eddie answered since Stan was too busy trying to make sure his teeth weren’t chattering. Bill didn’t say anything else, instead, he scooted closer to Stan and wrapped the arm closest to him around Stan’s small shoulders.

Stan tensed up, but he was getting warmer. Bill wrapped his other arm around the front of Stan and clasped his hands together, fully encircling Stan in his blanket as well. Stan looked up at Richie, who was just smirking.

That was when Stan decided that this was fine. This wasn’t anything that he had to worry about, especially if Richie was smiling at it. Stan finally relaxed and settled into Bill more. Bill was warm. Bill was strong, but it was a comforting kind of strong. The two stayed like that for the entire drive. Stan found that once they got to Mike’s place, he was warm.

All of them separated out into the different spots that they always slept in. Ben and Bev took the pull-out couch. Eddie and Richie went to the basement where another couch was. Mike went to his room, Stan would normally go with. This time, however, Stan and Bill went to the guest room.

“Why did you ask me to sleep in here with you?” Bill wasn’t going to complain, he was just curious, so he had to ask.

“You’re warm.”

“Is that the only reason?” Bill was hoping the answer was no.

“It is tonight.” Stan was already half asleep on Bill’s chest.

“So, there are different reasons, depending on the night?”

“Mhm.” Bill didn’t bother asking any other questions as Stan started snoring softly. Bill smirked to himself and settled more into Stan, quickly falling asleep.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Mike drove them all home when they all woke up again around noon. The neighborhood boys all got dropped off first. Stan was the last of them to get dropped off.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” Bev asked through the window of Mike’s truck after Stan had hopped out of the bed.

“We didn’t do anything if that’s what you’re asking.”

“And why the fuck not?” She was genuinely surprised.

“We just didn’t.”

“Do you want to?” Ben asked.

“Maybe. He’s the first person that I’ve wanted to do anything with since  _him._ ”

“I won’t take offense to that.”

“Thanks, Mike. I’ll see you guys later.” Stan waved to them as Mike drove off.

Stan tried to open the door, only for the door to stay exactly where it was. Stan checked all his pockets and found no keys. Stan cursed under his breath and looked in his bag for his keys, only to realize that they were still sitting on his dresser. Stan sat down on his stoop and tried to think of what to do.

He could call Richie and go over to his house, but Richie had gone to Eddie’s house. He couldn’t go to Eddie’s house because then Sonia would probably figure out that Richie was there and freak. Mike had to work on the farm today so he couldn’t save Stan. Ben and Bev were going out for the day since they didn’t get as much alone time as they would like. That left one person. Bill.

**Stan: Hey I know this is super last minute and we just left each other but do you think I could come chill out at your house? I’m locked out of my house and my parents won’t be back for hours**

**Bill: Sure**

**Stan: Really? We just stopped hanging out**

**Bill: I don’t mind**

**Stan: Okay. Do you know where I live?**

**Bill: Vaguely**

**Stan: Okay**

Stan sat there for a few moments before he got another text from Bill.

**Bill: I’m heading out**

Stan was nervous.  _Why is Bill so fine with my hanging out with him?_

Stan looked up when a truck pulled up to his house. This one was about the same size as Mike’s although it looked a little smaller. The passenger window rolled down and Bill waved at Stan. Stan walked over to the truck and hopped in.

“Hey.” Stan tried not to sound as nervous as he was, it didn’t work.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry that I made you come out and get me. I just didn’t really have any other options. Not that you’re a bad option, it’s just that we aren’t close or anything.”

“St-St-Stan, it’s okay.”

“I guess.”

Hey. I r-r-really don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Bill sat his hand on Stan’s, Stan jumped slightly but he didn’t feel like he needed to pull his hand away. “S-so, what do you want t-t-to do today?”

“I don’t care. Can we get food though?” Mike’s grandparents hadn’t been expecting the extra person so Stan hadn’t eaten as much as normal. Bill nodded his head and drove off to get food, never letting go of Stan’s hand as they drove.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Shit.”

“What?” Stan lifted his head up from where he was lying it against Bill’s shoulder. They had been chilling in his bed watching movies since they had gotten back to Bill’s house.

“Th-there’s a party t-tonight.”

“Do you have to go to it?”

“It’s a f-f-football party, so yes.”

“You sure?” Bill nodded, although he looked like he hated the idea of leaving his house again, he really hated the idea of leaving Stan. “Do you want me to go with?”

“You’d h-hate it. If I do, you would.”

“Is Mike not going to be there?”

“P-p-probably not. He can g-get out of th-them.”

“Will you at least promise me that you won’t make out with too many people?” Bill chuckled and kissed Stan’s forehead.

“O-o-only you.”

“Will you let me know when you get back home tonight?”

“Yeah.” Bill sounded sincere, Stan really hoped he could trust him.

“Sorry if I sound really needy or something. I’m trying, it’s just how I am.” Bill chuckled a little, he thought it was cute.

“It’s okay.”

“When do you have to head out?”

“E-eight or so.” Stan looked at his watch.

“Well it’s only a little after four, so we have a few hours left to ourselves.”

“Good.” Bill leaned down and kissed the boy he was falling for, a lot faster than he thought. Bill didn’t want to ruin anything about the moment, or anything he had going with Stan, even if it wasn’t much and it wasn’t all that serious. Whatever it was he had going with Stan, it was his favorite thing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bill looked down at his ringing phone. It was Georgie. Bill excused himself from the group, not that he was paying attention to anything that they said, and went to the bathroom. The call had ended by the time he got in there, although he immediately called Georgie back. The smallest Denbrough answered immediately.

“Bill.” Georgie was crying, Bill could tell even though the music was almost as loud as the small voice coming through the phone.

“Wh-wh-what’s up?” Bill tried not to sound too terrified, but he knew he did.

“Are you sober enough to come home?”

“Yeah.”

“Please come home. Bill, I’m so scared.”

“N-nightmares again?”

“Bill, why do I only have one hand?” Georgie was setting into a panic. That happened to him sometimes, his nightmares of what happened to him were so realistic that sometimes he would go into shock when he woke up.

“I’ll be h-h-home in ten minutes. St-st-stay where you are.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Bill hung up and practically ran out of the bathroom. He bumped into a girl on his way out. Apparently, she was looking for him. He recognized her, she was a cheerleader and was the girl that kept touching him yesterday at the restaurant. Bill was pretty sure her name was Lindsey.

“Hey Bill, wanna dance with me?”

“C-can’t. I g-gotta go.”

“You can’t go yet. The party just started.”

“I r-r-really have to g-go.” He pulled his arm out of her grip and ran towards the door. He had been early enough so that he could get a good parking spot so his truck was right outside the house. He only lived five minutes away but made it home in two.

Bill ran into his house and quickly locked the door behind him before he stopped moving and listened for a second. He had to figure out where Georgie was. When he heard whimpering upstairs, he knew that Georgie was either in his own room, Bill’s room, or the bathroom.

Bill bounded up the stairs and checked Georgie’s room first. When it was empty he checked the bathroom. He saw Georgie curled in on himself on the bathroom floor. Bill sat down with him and wrapped his arms around the trembling boy.

“I’m s-s-so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I sh-should’ve gone out with you that day. Then n-n-none of this w-would’ve happened.”

“Don’t blame yourself. You found me, and that’s what matters.” Bill, Mike, and Eddie had been the ones to find Georgie. They were pretty sure he was in the Neibolt house, but the police refused to look there. Saying there was nowhere for anyone to hide a kid in there. Georgie had been kept in a well with his left arm tied to the side so tightly that he lost all circulation to his hand.

They ended up finding the guy that had taken Georgie. He had killed himself in the hallway, leaving Georgie alone in that well for a few days. He was barely alive when the other boys had found him.

“You should’ve n-known I was going to find you s-s-sooner or later.”

“I did. That’s how I could keep going. There were so many times where I thought about just letting go, but I knew my big brother would find.”

“C-come on. L-l-let’s go to bed.” Bill picked Georgie up and carried him into Bill’s room. Georgie didn’t like to sleep alone on nights like this, the storm coming didn’t help either, it was probably what brought on the nightmares in the first place.

“I’m sorry I made you leave your party early. I know you like to hang out with your friends.” Georgie was curled in on Bill. Bill wrapped his arms around Georgie as tightly as he could.

“Th-those weren’t m-m-my friends.”

“Were the people you went out with yesterday your friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna let me meet them one day.” Georgie sounded like he was almost asleep.

“Yeah.” Bill wanted to tell Georgie that there was even someone special that he wanted to introduce, but the small boy was already snoring.

~~~~~~~~~~

**Bill: Stan I am so sorry that I didn’t text you last night. Georgie had a really bad night and I was just trying to make him feel better and then he fell asleep on my arm so I couldn’t even text you to tell you I was home.**

**Stan: Is he okay now?**

**Bill: Yeah. Sometimes his nightmares are really bad. I just try to help him as much as I can, especially since it’s pretty much my fault**

Stan stared at the text message on his phone. His mom elbowed him, he was supposed to be paying attention to the sermon his father was giving.

**It’s one of my friends that’s having a really rough day, I’m just trying to help him**

Stan’s mother read the note and nodded. She also used her head to point toward the hall. Stan stood up and went out to the main lobby of the synagogue. Stan hit the button to call Bill. Bill answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” Something about Bill’s voice sounded off to Stan.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. No.”

“Listen, it’s not your fault.”

“It is though! I should’ve gone out with him. I should’ve sucked it up and gone out with him. If I had gone out with him that asshole couldn’t have gotten him.”

“Have you been drinking?” Stan noticed the lack of a stutter, which he knew wasn’t good.

“I’ve been smoking.”

“Bill, it’s like ten o’clock in the morning. Don’t you think it’s a little early to get high?”

“You make it sound like I slept all that much.” Stan sighed. He wanted to lecture Bill that he needed to sleep, but Stan had seen too many sleepless nights to really say anything.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Please,” Bill didn’t exactly like how pathetic he sounded.

“Temple is almost over, I can probably convince my mom to let me take the car afterward since my dad drove separately. Do you think you’ll be okay for another half an hour or so?”

“Maybe.”

“Will you at least stop smoking?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.” Stan hung up and went back in. His father made eye contact with him as he came in. Stan just smirked slightly, knowing that his father was probably going to rip into him when they were both at home again.

Stan couldn’t get his leg to stop bouncing for the rest of Temple. He was freaking out about Bill. But it wasn’t just because it was Bill, he would be nervous about any of his friends. It being Bill didn’t make it any better though.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Bill?”

“Hey.” Stan closed the door behind him. Bill was sitting on his bed with his blanket completely wrapped around him.

“Are you okay?” Stan sat down on Bill’s bed.

“I don’t know. Normally, I’m fine after I help Georgie through a panic attack, but it’s like I can’t do it by myself this time. I don’t know why.”

“Maybe, it’s because you knew you could turn to me?”

“Maybe.” Bill still looked and sounded anxious beyond belief.

“Open up the blanket.” Bill looked skeptical, but he did it. Stan moved so he was sitting across from Bill. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over him so he was under the blanket with Bill.

“Why did you do that?” Bill thought it was an interesting approach, but he did like how Stan looked in the faint blue light that leaked through Bill’s blanket.

“Richie used to do this to me whenever I got really bad. He said it would help me focus on the person in front of me and not on the anxiety in my head. Usually worked.”

“Thank you.” Bill already sounded a little better.

“You’re welcome. So, how was the party last night?” Stan asked. He was trying to distract Bill from what he had been thinking about, another thing he got from Richie.

“Ugh. It was stupid, as always. I think I had four girls flirt with me in the half an hour I was there. Some dude spilled beer on me. Part of me wanted to get hella drunk, but it doesn’t seem as fun if it’s not with you guys.”

“I’m glad you took such a shining to my friends.” Bill chuckled a little before he asked his next question.

“Were you upset when I didn’t text you last night?”

“A little. I wasn’t once you told me what happened.”

“Sometimes, Georgie has really bad nightmares about what happened to him. I can’t leave him like that for too long, I can’t lose him. Not again.”

“You won’t.” Stan took one of Bill’s hands in his.

“Thank you, Stan.” Bill rubbed Stan’s knuckles with his thumb. “I should’ve taken you to that party with me.”

“Why? Thought you said I would hate it.”

“You would’ve. I don’t know though, I feel like I don’t have to be fake around you, or the others for that matter. Those people force me to be something I’m not. I’m forced to be this partier and some kind of player when I’m really not. I made out with people at parties to make them even somewhat tolerable, even then sometimes it made it worse. When I went out to the barrens with you guys, I could be real. If anyone else ever asked me who I was texting, I would’ve said someone I was trying to get with, it’s always Georgie.”

“Why don’t you text me when you go to parties? If you don’t want to take me, you can at least text me so I know you’re okay. Then we can flirt so that you can have a better excuse.”

“Okay,” Bill answered through a laugh.

“I’m serious.” Stan tried to sound as serious as possible.

“Me too, surprisingly,” Bill responded, as seriously as he could in their weird conversation. Stan smirked before he leaned forward and connected their lips. Bill thought kissing Stan had been addicting at the barrens, he was so wrong. They had kissed a couple times since their game of truth or dare, but this one felt the most right. This one couldn’t have been attributed to teenage hormones or peer pressure. This was Stan trying to make Bill feel better, this was Stan confirming that their conversation was serious.

Bill hadn’t noticed that Stan had moved to be on his lap until they separated for air, which didn’t last long. Stan found kissing Bill was just as addicting to him. When they did separate, for real that time, Bill noticed that the blanket had fallen back onto Stan more.

“Why did you agree to come over?” Bill’s question seemed out of place, but it had been bothering him since Stan said he would come over.

“Well if you remember, I offered.”

“Why did you offer then?”

“I was worried,” Stan sounded like it was obvious, although it wasn’t to Bill.

“Why?”

“Why are you so concerned about it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what we are so I can’t tell if you caring this much should be normal.”

“Well, we’re definitely friends, right?” Bill nodded. “Well, I care about all my friends this much. And, if we’re more than that, then it’s definitely normal that I care this much.”

“Are we more than friends?”

“Well, we’ve made out with both of us being sober. You said I was the only person you were going to make out with. We have cuddled an extreme amount. We just had a whole conversation about texting me at parties so that you can flirt with me. I’m currently sitting on your lap because we were making out under a blanket. So, I would go with yes.”

“Okay.” Bill smiled up at Stan.

“You’re fine with that?”

“Yeah,” Bill said through a smile a lot wider than he had had in a while.

“You realize that means you would only be with me, right?” Bill rolled his eyes.

“I know what being with someone means.”

“Just making sure there Mr. Playboy.”

“I didn’t sleep around that much.” Stan raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I can count the number of people I’ve actually slept with on two hands.”

“How many of them were dudes?”

“Three.”

“How many girls?”

“Six.”

“So, you’re one person away from double digits?”

“Yeah. I figure you’ll get me to double digits at some point.”

“Now what makes you think I want to have sex with you?” Stan sounded like he was joking. Bill couldn’t tell that there was a tiny amount of anxiety in Stan’s soul.

“Well drunk you said you wanted to, so I feel like sober you wants to.”

“Drunk me is a thot.” Bill laughed. “I mean I guess sober me, kinda wants to have sex with you as well.”

“Prove it.” Stan did prove it. He also proved that Mike’s statement about how he was in bed, was very correct.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you hear that Lindsey made out with Bill on Saturday?” Stan dropped the plate that he was holding. It didn’t shatter, but it did make a loud noise. Stan hadn’t heard it over the sound of his heart-shattering. He didn’t know the two girls who were talking, but he suddenly couldn’t tear himself away from their conversation.

“She finally did it?”

 “Yeah, she said he was amazing. She also said she thinks they might start dating. I guess she spent the night with him and everything.” Stan had heard enough, he threw the dishes into his was bucket and wiped the table off as fast as possible. He needed to get into back into the back before the tears and the panic started.

It was the downtime between lunch and dinner before Bill found time to make it back to the kitchen. He went to kiss Stan on the cheek but Stan put his hand up before he could even get close.

“Get away from me.”

“Wh-what I do?”

“Do you think I’m stupid? Did you think I wouldn’t find out about what you did with her? Did she leave right before I showed up?”

“What are you t-t-talking about?” Bill sounded like he honestly didn’t know what Stan was talking about, not that Stan could hear that.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe I fell for lies again. I can’t believe that I thought you actually left that party early for some wholesome reason. Do you use the sympathy route to get into a lot of people’s pants, or was I just special? You know what, don’t answer that. In fact, don’t talk to me, unless you absolutely have to.” Stan knew his words were venomous, but that had been the point. Bill didn’t answer. He just nodded his head and walked out of the kitchen.

Stan hadn’t noticed that the rest of the staff had come into the kitchen until then, he really didn’t want to explain anything to any of them. Stan just turned around and went back to doing dishes. Richie silently told the others to leave for a moment. He walked over to Stan as he was dropping some plates into the sanitizer and trying really hard not to cry.

“You wanna explain what just happened?” Richie was using the same voice he used when Stan was having an anxiety attack, or just coming down from one.

“No.”

“You have to tell me, Stan.”

“I trusted him. I shouldn’t have and yet I did.”

“He didn’t, did he?”

“No. He just went to a party on Saturday and did the same thing he always does. This time her name was Lindsey.”

“I’m sorry Stan.”

“I just thought you were right and everything would be fine this time. I went over on Sunday and we had sex and I felt fine with it, I actually enjoyed it. I just- I thought that I could be with someone again and not get hurt. I was wrong.” Stan wiped the tears that escaped his eyes as much as he could, but there were too many coming out. Richie pulled him toward him and wrapped his long arms around Stan. Stan dropped his head onto Richie’s arms and cried, not caring who saw anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~

“W-w-was Stan in a relationship b-before me?” Bill asked Richie when they had a moment together.

“Kinda.”

“Wh-what happened?”

“We beat the shit out of him, and we haven’t seen him since.”

“Why?”

“Yesterday, did Stan let your hands be anywhere near his neck or his face or his back or anything like that?” Bill shook his head. Stan hadn’t let his hands move from his hips, not that Bill had minded. “His name was Sam. They didn’t really date or anything. He hung out with us a couple times, but that was about it. Stan was really only with him because he was so sick of being alone and he was trying to get over you. Which was fine, until they like, really fucked for the first time. Sam had a pain kink, but it was the kind where he liked inflicting and not receiving. His favorite thing was to choke Stan. Stan tried to convince him to have a safe word or something, but he slapped Stan for even making the suggestion. And it only got worse from there. Most of the time, it was when they were doing it, but then he started doing it all the time. I tried to convince Stan to leave, but he was too scared to. Did Stan take his shirt off or roll up his sleeves?”

“No. H-he unbuttoned it b-b-but that was it.”

“He has a lot of scars.”

“From Sam?”

“The ones on his back are. The ones on his arms are from razor blades mostly.” Richie was so grateful that all of his tables were taken care of. He let out a shaky breath and wiped a few tears that were threatening to escape the thick rim of his glasses. He felt guilty, he had known about the way Sam treated Stan for almost two months and he hadn’t done anything about it.

“So, if all th-that happened to him, wh-why would he have sex w-with Mike, and m-m-me?”

“Mike was him trying to not have a straight up panic attack at the thought of someone touching him. They still barely got through it, and it barely really counted as sex. And you, he’s been in love with you for so long. I don’t know what was going through his head for sure but having known Stan for as long as I have, he probably saw the way you treated your brother and thought that you would keep him safe. That you would protect him. And I guess he was wrong.”

“R-R-Richie, I didn’t do anything with her.”

“Sure, you didn’t Bill.” Richie walked away from the servers’ station when he saw one of his tables needed a refill. When Richie came back Bill was finally able to put what he wanted to say together.

“L-l-listen Richie, I don’t f-feel anything for her. But, I c-care about Stan s-so much. Richie, I might be in love with him.”

“I want to believe you, Bill. I really do. But I just can’t.”

“It’s f-f-fine.” Bill tried not to sound as heartbroken as he was. Richie picked up on it and figured he could give Bill a shred of hope for the future, especially since he really did believe him.

“Just give Stan some time. He might come around.” Bill only nodded and walked off to check on his tables. Eddie walked up to Richie a little after Bill left.

“What’s up with him?” Eddie asked.

“He didn’t do anything with that girl, and now he knows about Sam.”

“You told him?”

“I thought maybe it would help him get some closure or at least get why Stan freaked the way he did. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. He would’ve found out at some point if he didn’t already know something.” Sam had been friends with some of the guys on the football team. Sam liked to brag about his toys as he called them. Apparently, Stan was one of his favorites. He always had more than one, but he talked about Stan the most. Sam’s only somewhat decent quality was that he never told real names, he told the ones he gave them. Stan never told anyone what that name was. Richie was pretty sure it had something to do with his religion because Stan seemed to hate being called a Jew more after Sam.

“Stan’s just not at all going to like that I told him.”

“I’m surprised Stan hasn’t gone home.”

“He broke down in his car earlier, but this is Stan, he’s not going to leave early. He’ll also be here tomorrow. The bitch face is gonna be worse though.”

“I hope they can work it out. The real Bill is a good guy.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Stan’s room had a window that sat atop the slight roof above their front door. Stan liked to lie up there when he was upset. And he was. It had been two days since he heard about Bill and Lindsey. The first day had been rough, the second day was awkward for everyone. Bill kept trying to vaguely apologize, not even just to Stan, but to all of them.

“Do you think I could join you?” Bev asked as she climbed out Stan’s bedroom window.

“How did you get into my house?”

“Magic.” Stan chuckled. “So, I can join you?”

“I guess since you’re up here you can.”

“You out here because of Bill?” She was good at keeping her voice steady and soft in situations like this.

“Yeah.” Stan always found it hard to lie to her.

“You want to talk about it?” Bev sounded hesitant as she asked, but Stan knew the question was coming.

“No. But I’m guessing you do.”

“He did tell me what happened. He was drunk and crying, but he told me everything.”

“Did he now?”

“So, you slept with him, at his house?”

“Yeah.”

“Interesting.” Stan actually looked back over at her. He had been keeping his eyes on the sky for most of this conversation.

“What?”

“Bill doesn’t take people to his house. He doesn’t want Georgie to know what kind of person he can be. The kid knows, but Bill wants him to think that they’re just rumors.”

“Maybe he’s just changing. Took Lindsey to his house.”

“It just doesn’t fit his pattern.”

“Patterns change.”

“Yours don’t.”

“We aren’t the same person Bev. Did you come over here just to lecture me about Bill because I don’t need it right now.”

“What do you need?”

“A friend. Particularly one that understands.”

“I can do that.” Bev lied down next to Stan and sat her head on the top of his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime Stanny boy, anytime.”

“So, why did you actually come over? You don’t live anywhere near here.” Stan asked after they lied there for quite some time.

“Someone asked if I would come to check on you.”

“Who?”

“A person.”

“Bill.”

“Yeah. He sounded really worried, even though he’s drunk as hell right now.”

“I wish that meant something to me.” Stan didn’t always mean to sound like a shady bitch, but he wasn’t trying to stop it at this point.

“I was worried too. We all are. We care about you, Stan. I know that that’s a hard concept for you right now, but it’s true. We cared about you before that asshole fucked you up, we cared about you during his reign of terror, and we care about you now that it’s all over.”

“It’ll never be over.” Stan’s voice was tight and quiet.

“It will be, one day, you just need to give it time.”

“How much time though?”

“I don’t know. It’s different for everyone.”

“How long was it for you?”

“Couple years. But I also had a different kind of relationship than you did.”

“Yeah, but yours didn’t go as far as mine did. You know he tried to brand me one time?”

“He what?” Bev sat up slightly as she asked that question. She had never heard that part of the story, although Stan had never told anyone.

“Yeah. He didn’t, but he was so close to. He treated me like property, not like an actual fucking person.”

“Did Bill treat you like a person? I’m not asking because I want you to try and fix anything, I’m just curious.”

“He did. It’s one of his redeeming qualities I guess.”

“He got any others?” She lied her head back on his shoulder as she asked.

“He was sweet. When he finally picks someone to really care about, he’ll make them really happy. I used to wish it was me, now I don’t know what I want.”

“Do you still want to be with him?”

“Yeah, but I’m terrified that he’ll keep doing this. And even if he didn’t do anything, which I doubt, the rumors are just going to continue. It’s like we’ll be in this cycle where I’ll be in love with him, but I’ll feel like I can’t trust him.” Bev just nodded slightly and continued lying there. She had heard enough. Stan told her she could stay the night. She started relaying info pretty much as soon as Stan fell asleep.

**Bill: How is he?**

**Beverly: He’s fine. Sad but that’s to be expected.**

**Bill: I feel like shit. He’s such a sweet kid and because I have this dumb ass fucking past, we’ll never be able to really be together.**

**Beverly: Do you want to be with him?**

**Bill: More than anything.**

**Beverly: Then don’t just tell me that. Tell everyone. Tell people how sick of all of this you are. Tell people who the real you is, the one that hates going to those parties, the one that loves to draw and read, the one that loves Stan and your little brother.**

**Bill: Do you think that will work?**

**Beverly: Do you care about being popular?**

**Bill: No.**

**Beverly: Then what’s stopping you from trying? The worst that happens is you have to stop talking to those guys.**

**Bill: And probably quit the football team.**

**Beverly: Would give you more time to hang with Georgie till you go to college. Do you even like playing football?**

**Bill: Eh, it’s not bad. Mike makes it bearable.**

**Beverly: Would you care if you had to quit?**

**Bill: Not really. I’m not getting any scholarships out of it.**

**Beverly: Then what’s stopping you?**

**Bill: I’m still a smidge too drunk to write something like that coherently.**

**Beverly: Write it in the morning then.**

**Bill: Will you come to look at it before I post it?**

**Beverly: Sure, I’m at Stan’s tonight so I’ll pop over there on my way home.**

**Bill: Thank you. You really are a true friend.**

~~~~~~~~~~

Beverly left in the morning a little after Stan woke up. She said something about going to someone else’s house, Stan assumed it was Ben’s. He had been scrolling through Instagram on his laptop when his phone started ringing. Stan answered his phone, not really looking at who was calling. “Hello.”

“Did you see Bill’s post on Facebook?” It was Mike. He didn’t sound concerned, more curious than anything.

“No.”

“You should read it.”

“Why?” Stan was skeptical about everything that was happening just now.

“It might help his case.”

“Nothing can help his case, Mike.”

“Look, I know you’re angry. And I wish I could tell you that Bill didn’t have a history, but he does. I can tell you that he has a pattern. And what happened with you doesn’t fit that pattern.”

“Now you sound like Beverly.”

“Just read it, okay.”

“Fine,” Stan said through a sigh.

“Good. Are you alright? You aren’t, you know?”

“No, I’ve stayed away from razor blades, paperclips, and lighters. I thought about it earlier, but then I remembered your guys’ faces when you saw them, I couldn’t do that to you again. Plus, Bev came over last night.”

“But you’re feeling alright?”

“Sad and hurt but nothing terrible.”

“Okay. You let me know if you need anything. Got it?”

“Got it, Mike.”

“I’m just trying to look after you, kiddo.”

“I know. Thank you. I’ll text you later.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Don’t forget to read the post.”

“I won’t. Bye.” Mike said his goodbye and hung up the phone. Stan sighed heavily and pulled Facebook up on his laptop. He searched for Bill and noticed the first post of his page. It was different than the rest of them. This one was long and perfectly punctuated. When Stan read it, his heart dropped faster than when he thought Bill had been with Lindsey.

_Well, I finally did it. I lost something good. And for what? Popularity? A social status in our piss ant sized town? Friends that I don’t even like? Apparently, I decided all of that was worth more to me than someone that I actually cared about. Was worth more than some real friends. And now, I feel like there is nothing I can do to fix it. I lost the one person that I thought I could be with for a long time; someone that wasn’t just a fling. I lost some good people that actually cared about me and what I have to say, despite my stutter._

_I am so tired of being this fake person. Guess what. I hate parties. I hate being popular. I hate having to lie to people on what I like to do. You know what I do most days? I read a lot of books. I hang out with my brother. I have a dozen sketchbooks full of doodles, some of them for a person that I can’t get back because of someone that was so upset I wouldn’t fuck them, they made up some rumors. I hope you’re happy, because I know I’m not._

Stan clicked on the comments and read some of the terrible things people were saying, as well as Bill’s responses.

_Matt Jackson: Wtf man. You drunk?_

_Bill Denbrough: Actually, I’ve never been soberer in my life._

_Lindsey May: I didn’t make anything up. We did everything that I told my friends_

_Bill Denbrough: Really? Because the way I remember it, you asked if I wanted to dance and I told you I was going home. I then hung out with my brother all night, so you can fuck off._

_Matt Jackson: Dude what the hell? Why you being such a dick to her. She didn’t do anything to you._

_Bill Denbrough: Shut up. You just want to fuck her like pretty much every other one of you dumbasses on the football team._

_Mike Hanlon: I don’t want to fuck her._

_Bill Denbrough: I know you don’t Mike, that’s why I love you._

_Desirae Shafer: So, who’s the person you lost?_

Desirae was one of the only mutual friends that he had with Bill. She was a sweet girl that was in the bird club with Stan. She and Stan occasionally talked, she knew about Stan’s crush on Bill and he knew about her crush on another girl in the bird club.

             _Bill Denbrough: I can’t say, for their safety, but it’s one of the feistiest, most lovable people I have ever met. I can’t believe that I could even consider trading him for something so stupid as popularity, something that I couldn’t give a shit about._

_Desirae Shafer: Sorry to hear that. I hope you can get him back._

_Bill Denbrough: Me too._

Stan closed his tab and shut his laptop. He hadn’t realized that he was crying slightly. Stan cursed under his breath and called Bev, she would have a suggestion of what to do.

“Hello.”

“Bev, I fucked up.”

“Did you see Bill’s post?”

“Yeah. Do you think I can even apologize enough to fix whatever it was we even kind of had?”

“Maybe. You’ll need to apologize and not expect one in return.”

“I know. Do I just go over and apologize? Will, that even work?”

“It might. It will at least be a start.” Stan groaned, he knew she was right.

“I hate this.” Stan heard a notification that he was getting another call. “I got to go, Richie’s calling me.”

“Tell him I said hi.” Stan switched the calls.

“Bev says hi.”

“Is she at your house?” Richie was very confused all of a sudden.

“Not anymore. What’s up?”

“Did you see the very interesting post by a certain stuttering waiter?”

“I did. I’m now trying to figure out what to do.”

“Apologize?”

“Well, no shit Sherlock. But how? Do I just go over there? Do I make it public, like in a comment on his post?”

“You should boombox Careless Whisper outside his house.”

“That’s your plan if you ever piss off Eddie and he doesn’t live at home anymore.”

“I’ll share.”

“I don’t think that would work for me, Richie.”

“Just go over and apologize. Maybe, tell him what happened to you.”

“Why would I do that?”

“He needs to know if you’re actually planning on being with him. He needs to know why he can’t hold your face when you kiss and why you refuse to wear short sleeves or take your shirt off. He needs to know why you always need to be in control and why you need to know where his hands are at all times.”

“I know. I just- I don’t know how to explain all that and not freak him out.”

“He’s a big boy. He can handle it. And if he can’t, he doesn’t deserve to be with you.”

“Thanks, Richie.”

“What are best friends for?” Stan hung up and got ready to face the music. He put on one of his nicer outfits, he wasn’t trying to impress Bill, he was just trying to not look as upset as he was. Stan grabbed his keys and his phone and got in the car, making the very short drive to Bill’s house.

When he pulled up outside the Denbrough house, he saw Bill’s truck sitting in the driveway, so at least he was at home, in theory. Stan walked up to the door and knocked as soon as enough courage came to him.

Georgie opened the door and looked at Stan. Georgie recognized Stan but he couldn’t place where he knew him from. “Hello?”

“Hey. Is Bill here?”

“Yeah. Can I ask who’s asking.”

“Stan. I was over here the other day. I’ve also umpired your games before.”

“That’s how I know you. Also, you can come in. Bill’s being a little bitch up in his room.” Stan stepped in and started toward the stairs while Georgie closed the door. “Do you need me to show you where his room is?”

“No. I’ve been in there.”

“You were in his room? Huh.”

“Why the huh?”

“Bill doesn’t bring people over, and if he does, they don’t go up into his room. Told me that he didn’t me to get attached or anything like that. I know it’s cause he doesn’t want me to know what he does. Or at least what the rumors say he does.”

“He really doesn’t bring people over?” Stan thought for a moment before he asked his next question. “Did you call him on Saturday because you were having a bad night?”

“He told you about that?” Stan nodded. “Yeah, I did. Sometimes the nightmares are really bad. He helps.”

“I get the nightmares thing. I’m gonna go talk to him for a bit.” Stan bounded up the stairs. He felt like an asshole. He had yelled at Bill and pretty much told him to fuck off. When Stan got to Bill’s door he knocked quickly, knowing that if he waited too long he would back out.

“Georgie, I t-t-told you to not to bother me t-today.” Bill opened the door, fully expecting to see his little brother.

“Do you think you can be bothered by me?”

“You g-gonna yell at me again?”

“No. I came to apologize.”

“For what?”

“Can I come in? I just- I don’t particularly want Georgie to hear.” Bill moved out of the way so that Stan could come in. When he heard the door click behind him, he just couldn’t hold it back anymore. “Bill I am so sorry for everything that I said. I just- I’ve been lied to and used before and the thought that you did it to me too, I just couldn’t take it. God, I should’ve known that you didn’t do anything, you hate all those people. I’m so sorry. And I’m sure that me saying sorry isn’t going to fix anything, but I have to try. I really do want to fix whatever we had, if we even had anything.”

“Stan. You’re fine.”

“I can’t be fine. I’m so fucked up and even if you say we can make this work I don’t know if we can. I can’t get over what happened to me. And you don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

“I know ab-bout him.”

“You do?”

“R-R-Richie told me. And I r-remember him talking ab-bout stuff like that but I n-n-never thought it was you.”

“Of course. So, since you know, do you get why I freaked?”

“I g-got it before I knew.”

“You did?” Bill nodded.

“I have a r-reputation. It’s gonna f-f-follow me.”

“You promise me that you didn’t do anything with her, or anyone else except me since Friday?”

“I s-s-swear to you,” Stan smirked, he actually believed Bill.

“I read your post by the way. You really think I’m feisty and loveable?”

“Yeah. I m-meant everyth-thing I said.”

“Even the part about the doodles?” Bill nodded, although he looked mildly embarrassed. “Can I see some of them?”

“I guess.” Bill walked over to his bookshelf and started looking for a certain sketchbook. Stan sat down on Bill’s bed. Bill handed the sketchbook to Stan and sat behind him. Stan was so confused until Bill started playing with the curls on the back of Stan’s head.

“What are you doing?”

“You h-h-hair is soft.”

“So, you’re playing with it?”

“Mhm.”

“Alrighty then.”

“You d-don’t care, do you?” Bill retracted his hand quickly, he hadn’t thought about it originally.

“Not really. He didn’t really have a thing for hair. Just try not pull on it, he did have a thing for that.”

“Okay.” Bill was careful not to pull on Stan’s hair as he pulled the curls down to watch them bounce back up. As Stan made more and more comments about the bird doodles in the book Bill moved closer behind Stan.

“I like this one. It’s probably the most accurate.”

“Th-th-this is a strange question, but where c-can I put my arms?”

“If I can see your hands, you could sit them on my shoulders; but hips and waist are probably better.” Bill wrapped his arms around Stan’s hips, setting his head on Stan’s shoulder so that he could also look at the sketchbook. Stan stiffened up for a moment, but soon relaxed and settled back into Bill. They flipped through the sketchbook for a bit longer in silence.

Part of Stan felt like he should be scared, that he should be on edge. But this was Bill. Bill cared about people, whether it be his brother or Stan or any of his real friends. When they finished the sketchbook, Stan closed it and sat it next to them on the bed. Stan didn’t try to get up, instead, he settled more into Bill. Stan moved Bill’s hands slightly so that he could intertwine their fingers.

“Do you w-w-want to s-spend the night?”

“I can, but like I- I don’t really want to mess around or anything tonight.” Bill chuckled. “What?”

“That’s n-not why I asked.”

“It’s not?” Bill shook his head. “Well, that’s embarrassing. So, what did you want to do?”

“Watch movies?”

“You mean hang out with your brother?”

“If you d-d-don’t care. I was k-kind of an asshole earlier.”

“That’s fine.” Stan stood up and put his hand out for Bill to take. When Bill was standing up as well, he didn’t let go of Stan’s hand. Stan looked down and smirked at their intertwined hands. Bill pulled their hands up and kissed the back of Stan’s hand. “What was that for?”

“I f-f-finally m-made the right decision.”

“About what?” Bill didn’t actually answer, instead he just smiled and pulled Stan out of his room with him. “You gonna answer me not?”

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what are you going to do about the guys on the football team?” Stan asked. He and Bill were sitting up against trying to find something to watch on Netflix, which was going as terribly as always.

“A c-couple of them have b-been texting me.”

“About what?”

“Post mostly.”

“Are you going to admit that we’re together?” Bill nodded. “To everyone?”

“Already done.”

“How the hell is it already done?”

“Ch-ch-check Facebook.” Stan pulled out his phone and opened the Facebook app. He noticed the large number of notifications he had, most of them were people liking and commenting on a status he was tagged in. When he pulled up the status, he laughed slightly.

_Bill Denbrough is now in a relationship with Stanley Uris._

_Richie Tozier: Hell yeah he is BITCH!_

_Felix Cartman: Not what I was expecting to see when I logged into Facebook today, but I’m happy for you buddy._

_Henry Bowers: This is who you blew Lindsey off for? A used fucking nerd?_

_Beverly Marsh: You better shut the fuck up before you get fucked up bitch._

_Henry Bowers: I ain’t scared of you_

_Mike Hanlon: I am_

_Beverly Marsh: Should be. I’ll break more than your fucking wrist this time. I fucking dare you. Say one more goddamn thing._

_Desirae Shafer: I knew it. Good luck in this hell town guys._

Stan locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. Stan shifted so he was sitting on Bill’s lap and so he could put his arms around Bill’s neck. Bill loosely wrapped his arms around Stan’s waist, he watched Stan’s face to make sure he was okay.

“Thank you.”

“S-s-seemed like the r-right thing.”

“When did you do that?”

“When you w-went to the bathr-room between movies.” That had been hours ago.

“Makes sense. Also, you’re addicted to Facebook.”

“I am n-n-not!”

“You totally are.” Bill chuckled and stared at Stan. “What are you staring at?”

“You.”

“Why?”

“I’m ad-d-dicted to you.”

“Oh my God. That was the cheesiest thing I have ever heard.” Stan loved it. Stan had never been stared at like this before. His friends would stare at him, but their eyes were always filled with concern. They were generally looking for new scars or bruises. Sam had stared at him, but it had never been for a good reason. At first, it had been because he was trying to figure out if Stan would be a good toy, then it had been to keep control over Stan.

“Oh well.”

“Are you always going to be this cheesy?”

“O-only for you. And G-G-Georgie I guess.”

“I hope it’s a different kind of cheese.” They both laughed. Stan felt light, he only ever felt like that when he was high. But, this was just as amazing, probably more so.

~~~~~~~~~~

The switch stung Stan’s back. He could tell that one was going to scar. If it was too open, Eddie was going to need to stitch it up. The breath on the back of his neck was sticky. It was almost like he could feel the sick pleasure his attacker was taking.

“Now who do you belong to?” That voice had once sounded nice to him.

“I don’t belong to you. Or to anyone you asshole.” The switch hit his back again, harder this time.

“I’ll repeat myself only once, who do you belong to?” Rough hands pulled Stan’s head back by his hair. Stan didn’t really answer him, only spitting and having it land right under the other man’s eye. He wiped it off slowly and then moved his free hand to Stan’s throat. He squeezed hard, Stan couldn’t breathe.

“That was a very rude thing to do. I’m gonna have to teach you some manners, aren’t I?” Stan didn’t have a choice in the matter. He was still trying to get the hand off of his throat, not that he could, not with his hands tied to his legs. Sam slammed Stan onto his back hard. He tried to scream out in pain, but it was caught by the hand on his throat. Stan couldn’t feel anything anymore. The only thing he could feel was the fire that was in his throat. The tears were freely flowing at that point. Part of it was from the pain, part of it was from the fear that this was finally going to be the time that Sam killed him. He was sure it was when he blacked out.

When Stan opened his eyes again, he saw the dark bedroom around him. It wasn’t his. Stan heard a rustling in the bed next to him. His heart was pounding so loudly that Stan was surprised that it didn’t wake the person next to him. Stan turned slowly, wanting to know how scared he should be.

When he saw that it was Bill, Stan let out a shuddered breath. Stan lied on his back and stared at the ceiling for the moment. He knew he was crying, he always did after those nightmares. He wasn’t sure if they could still count as nightmares since they were pretty close to the memories he had. When there was more rustling beside him, Stan looked back at Bill. This time it was the face that haunted him that was sleeping in the bed.

Stan screamed and pushed himself off of the bed. His breathing was erratic and he pulled his legs into him, sitting his head on his knees. Bill was wide awake from all the noise. He turned on his bedside table lamp and looked down at the panicking Stan.

“Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t. I’ll do- I’ll do whatever you want me to do, just please let me breathe.” Bill got off the bed and sat in front of Stan.

“Stan.” Bill wasn’t sure what to do, whenever Georgie had a panic attack, Bill would hold his face to force him to focus on Bill’s face, or he would just hold him. If Bill touched Stan at all, it would only make things worse. He decided that he had to rely only on his voice until Stan touched him. “St-stan, I need you to f-focus on me.”

“I can’t.”

“J-j-just start with my voice.” Bill started reciting some of the book that he had been reading earlier. Luckily, he had been in a classics mood lately so it wasn’t his normal horror book. When he had been talking for a few minutes he stopped and asked Stan a simple question. “D-d-do I sound like him?”

“No.”

“What’s different?”

“Your voice is smooth and soft. It’s like an expensive hotel pillow. His was always harsh. When you tell me what to do, there’s a kindness behind it, he was like a drill sergeant. You either did what he said, or you were punished.”

“Are you ok-kay enough to touch my hand?” Stan didn’t answer, he just held out his hand. Bill moved his hand so that Stan’s long fingers gently brushed over his hand. Stan eventually lifted his head slightly to see the hand he was feeling.

“What’s different?” Bill was surprised that he could keep his stutter even mildly under control.

“You have guitarist's hands. He had mechanic ones. His were rough all over, yours are just slightly callused but still soft. His nails were sharp and yours are round and short. You have an ink stain on your hand, he only had scars. When you hold my hand, it feels comforting, he only ever did it to drag me around.”

“Okay, now look at my face.” Stan reluctantly looked up completely. He still looked absolutely terrified. “What’s different.”

“His face was covered in freckles. His eyes were dark. His hair was lighter though. Your face is flawless, not a spot of any kind anywhere. Your eyes are so big and baby blue and look so innocent. Whenever I look into your eyes, I feel safe. I never felt safe with him.”

“Y-you know what the b-b-biggest difference is?”

“What?” Bill took a deep breath. He didn’t want to stutter.

“I actually care about you,” Stan smirked and finally laced his fingers with Bill’s.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime Birdie.” Bill leaned forward to kiss Stan’s forehead. “Anytime.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why everything I write with the Losers club in it has to have angst, but apparently, it does. 
> 
> Also, thank you for understanding as to why I changed part of this, you know, if you do, and as long as you're not like super mad about it for some reason. 
> 
> I wrote this over the summer while I was debating on whether or not to post Nightmares, so I decided I might as well post it.


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